The People Who Pass Through Your Life Via Your Body

On Children

 Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Okay, so there are these people who enter this world by passing through your body. You have a visceral reaction to someone of the opposite sex and procreate. You think you are in love. You are so excited that you and this other godlike being have planted the seed of life in the form of another human being into your womb. Little did you know that the seed had ideas of its own. It grew and became an INDIVIDUAL. Yes, maybe it was forced by DNA to have brown eyes, knocked knees, high blood pressure, or WHATEVER. BUT, this person had a mind of his/her own from the moment of conception. 

Anyone who has had more than one child can attest to this fact. No child is an exact replica or mathematical equation of each of his/her parents. Even after birth, with all the inputs, the child will not comply!!! The child is...well...what...he/she...IS!!!

 

Lucky for us!

Loyalty Among Friends?

Okay, so there's this girl. She is afraid of trying relationships with other girls because she's never been successful. But she hasn't given up. She believes it's possible. So, she keeps trying. Here she is, this awkward girl, in a biracial relationship, with a few kids born in unconventional ways. When she meets another woman who might be sympathetic, she practically jumps her. After some time, she learns to tone it down a bit and be a little less aggressive.

Wow, finally, a friend is made. A kindred spirit. Someone who understands. She is so enamored that she invites the friend and her significant other to be friends with her inner circle. Couples and children form a bond that becomes impenetrable. Friendships are forged. Secrets are shared. Lives become intertwined.

This scenario happens a couple of other times with other friends and their families. It almost seems like heaven on earth, to have so many others in an intimate support system. But something happens to change everything.

The original girl encounters a problem. She doesn't want to mess up the wonderful life that she has enjoyed with her support system, but her significant other has become unstable and abusive. He has threatened her life and has frightened her children. She has a choice to make. If she strikes out on her own, her support system will be lost.

She does the hardest thing she has ever done in her whole life. She breaks free from the abuse and strikes out on her own. She thought her former friends would remain in her inner circle of support. After some time passed, she realized that they didn't have any particular loyalty to her as a woman. They remained "neutral."

Even though her friends knew the circumstances that led to the separation, they chose to remain friends with the estranged spouse. The abuser. The unstable one. The person who ruined her life and the lives of her children.

Couples relationships are different, because there are other factors involved. Two plus two equals more than four. There are two wives and two husbands and a wife and a husband and a wife and a husband, not to mention the original wife and husband in each relationship. But the original girl figured that her girlfriends would automatically understand her pain and share her ultimate decision to sever an abusive relationship.

Okay, here we are again. At a crossroads. I have a question. Should the girl expect any "loyalty" from her girlfriends? Or when they all "friend" her abuser on facebook, should she just say, "oh well, he never did anything to hurt THEM?"

Tell Me Lies

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong

How many times have you asked someone what you should do about something when you already knew in the depths of your soul what the correct course of action was? It's actually kind of silly because no matter what anyone says, the facts of the situation will not change. Your true friends will tell you what you know to be the right answers. The ones who don't care will tell you the beautiful lies that your heart craves. 

"Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them." - Lou Holtz

Some people revel in the misfortunes of others. Your troubles are fodder for their entertainment. If you are so insecure that you need accolades from the other failures surrounding you, you will get what you deserve. Don't let anyone make you feel less than the beautiful human being you are.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

When you are authentic, you can be assured that those who stick around are the ones who really care about you.

Diversity

Diversity (It can even be appreciated in an election year)

"I feel my heart break to see a nation ripped apart by its own greatest strength - its diversity." ~ Melissa Etheridge

What if everyone were just like me? While I like to think that I am AWESOME, (and I am, by the way), I don't possess all of the talents necessary to make this world go 'round. I don't have enough empathy. I am a loner. I am an observer rather than a socializer. I analyze situations from afar rather than joining in at ground zero. 

Because I know this about myself, I know that I need others around me to COMPLEMENT me. I cannot expect everyone to think and act as I do (and I thank God they don't, because then some of us would be unnecessary).

That being said, you out there who are different from me, I want to be your friend. I want you to get me out of my shell and make me do things sometimes that I would never do on my own. In turn, I will help you be more introspective and contemplative. We can be a great team.

This is extremely oversimplified, because there are many more multi-faceted individuals than the two in my example, but, I hope you get my drift.

Just think, if other people who are different from you bug you, how much do you think you may get on their last nerves?

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" ~ Luke 6:41

This, being an election year, has stirred all kinds of interchanges among people, many of whom are normally good friends, coworkers and church members, which makes it a good time to remember how much we need to treat others as we wish to be treated.

Don't make the mistake of believing your opinion is superior. "For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted." ~ Matthew 23:12

Is it love?

Does it hurt? Does it feel bad? Do you get that nagging feeling...the "red flag?" Do you "hope that you're wrong?" Well, you're probably not if you even think that...


Love don't feel that badThat's not loveIt don't feel that sadNo that's not love'Cause you don't feel good insideI don't know what it isBut that's not love.  ~ Keb Mo

How can you tell if it's love?

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

New International Version (NIV)

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸ Love never fails.

Love doesn't leave you with a bad feeling. Those who love you will want the best for you. They will not be jealous of you. They will rejoice when you are promoted or lifted up. They will join you in your victories and not stab you in the back. They will help you and not sabotage you. They will not use, abuse or take advantage of you. They will always look out for your best interests. 

If you have to wonder if someone

loves

you, they probably don't.

Put on your big girl/boy panties!

How do you know how much you can do, until you try to do more than you can do?

Last November, I had come to the end of my rope. For the second time in my life, I had become crippled. In my early 20s, I became debilitated with osteoarthritis in my spine. I also had chronic adductor tendinitis as a result, and my knees swelled from constant limping. Prior to getting a wheelchair, I moved to the desert. After a year of drugs and exercise along with the dry climate, I was able to walk upright and enjoy most things. Living with pain was "normal" and I never complained because I was so happy to be "functioning" again.


I have had a wonderful, full life, no matter what state my body has been in. Last November marked 12 years since I had moved to the desert. I had never had a problem with my knees before. I enjoyed hiking and walking, even though I was never able to run. I began having small pains and clicking in my knees, but didn't think anything of it. Pretty soon, though, it became unbearable. That's when I succumbed to my first cortisone injections in both knees so I could continue getting to work every day. 


I had good intentions of losing 25 pounds so that I wouldn't have to return to the doctor for more injections. They are good for 3 - 6 months and you can't get them more than every three months. My exercise attempts were futile, and I couldn't resist partaking when my wonderful husband ordered pizza on Friday nights or asked me to pick up fried chicken on the way home from work. Within 3 months, I needed another injection in my left knee, which is worse than my right. Arthritis has crept in and there is not much to be done except lose weight and keep active. Along came my next resolution.

I'm so happy to say that my motivation stayed strong and now my body is even stronger. I am approaching my 53rd birthday and have lost 36 pounds and feel better than I ever have. There are still many things I can't do, like walk for long distances, but I go on 20 mile bike rides for fun and enjoy every minute. I enjoy pushing myself to the limit and doing the things I used to think I couldn't do. 


YOU DON'T KNOW UNTIL YOU TRY!!!

Personal Resolve - Living Your Beliefs

Do you have a personal list of things you will NEVER do or ALWAYS do?

It's like having a personal mission statement. Everything in your life will fall into a category and can be easily dealt with.

If you know certain things that you will NOT bend on, it will make future decisions EASY. You won't have to labor over decisions if you have a personal resolve. It can be likened to a belief system. If you live in accordance with what you believe in your heart, you will be balanced and live a whole, full life without guilt.

I, personally, have resolved to NEVER cheat. I will not even cheat on Solitaire. So, whenever I am faced with a situation where I may believe I can "get away with" cheating, I will not hesitate to decline. This saves me time and keeps me true to myself. This eliminates the fallout of "What if...."

By the same token, you can have a list of things you will ALWAYS do. One of the things I always do is give people the benefit of the doubt. I try to always believe the best motives instigate the behaviors of others. Until someone proves me wrong, I will always believe the best about them. This, too, saves a lot of time.

That being said, NEVER and ALWAYS, while being absolute words, in my system are relative. If I am playing against a cheater, I can use the power of right to prove them wrong. If someone I trust betrays me, I can stop giving them the benefit of the doubt and become wary of them.

This fits in with my belief system and decision making process. There are variables in our dynamic world that need to be taken into account when making our personal lists but notwithstanding, deciding these things beforehand can make us stronger and more effective, giving us more time to focus on other more important things.

Child of My Child

Child of my child
You tug at my heart strings
I see my child in you
I see myself in you
I see you, but I see my child plus something else...


Like the added spice that makes the dish taste just right.





YOU ARE THE FUTURE.

Always Be Aware of Your Surroundings

Venomous critters are adept at hiding from view. You may not be aware of their existence until they strike. This makes me think of betrayal. The heart of a betrayer remains hidden until the time they choose to sink their venomous teeth into your soul/life/support system. They blend in with their surroundings. In other words, they appear as a friend - laughing with you, pretending concern over your life, inserting themselves into your surroundings...

Even though these creatures exist, we must still go about our daily lives and reach out to others; trusting. Even though there may be venomous critters on my bike trail, I will continue to ride and deal with them when they rear their heads. The alternative sucks.

Resolutions - Don't Wait for a New Year

A resolve or determination to do something. Firmness of purpose. Why do we need to wait a whole year to make new ones? How about making LIFE resolutions? A mission/purpose/vision/resolve for the rest of your life? 

Top ten lists of new year's resolutions abound. There are many common themes. People want to do better - to BE better. These same people will be making similar resolutions in coming years. 

Why? Because they do not have a plan to maintain the new behaviors. Their "resolutions" are not "firm determination" to accomplish something, but simply "wishful thinking." 


If you want to lose weight, spend more time with family, learn something new or get out of debt,  you need to have a plan of attack. You need to establish new behaviors in your life that don't currently exist. 


How do you make a plan so that your resolutions will stick? Answer some questions, make some lists.


What resources do you need to accomplish your resolution? Do you already have any of them? If not, where will you find these additional resources? What exactly will you do to acquire what you need to succeed? Ask yourself, "Is this something I can continue doing?" 

For instance, if you want to lose weight, you must begin behaving like the thinner person you want to be and continue that behavior for the rest of your life. If you want to get out of debt, you must plan a REASONABLE budget that you can actually follow, while still enjoying life. Think long term and don't wait for the new year. 


Resolve daily to live your new and improved life.