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Live each day as if it were your last. Someday, you'll be right.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Loyalty Among Friends?

Okay, so there's this girl. She is afraid of trying relationships with other girls because she's never been successful. But she hasn't given up. She believes it's possible. So, she keeps trying. Here she is, this awkward girl, in a biracial relationship, with a few kids born in unconventional ways. When she meets another woman who might be sympathetic, she practically jumps her. After some time, she learns to tone it down a bit and be a little less aggressive.

Wow, finally, a friend is made. A kindred spirit. Someone who understands. She is so enamored that she invites the friend and her significant other to be friends with her inner circle. Couples and children form a bond that becomes impenetrable. Friendships are forged. Secrets are shared. Lives become intertwined.

This scenario happens a couple of other times with other friends and their families. It almost seems like heaven on earth, to have so many others in an intimate support system. But something happens to change everything.

The original girl encounters a problem. She doesn't want to mess up the wonderful life that she has enjoyed with her support system, but her significant other has become unstable and abusive. He has threatened her life and has frightened her children. She has a choice to make. If she strikes out on her own, her support system will be lost.

She does the hardest thing she has ever done in her whole life. She breaks free from the abuse and strikes out on her own. She thought her former friends would remain in her inner circle of support. After some time passed, she realized that they didn't have any particular loyalty to her as a woman. They remained "neutral."

Even though her friends knew the circumstances that led to the separation, they chose to remain friends with the estranged spouse. The abuser. The unstable one. The person who ruined her life and the lives of her children.

Couples relationships are different, because there are other factors involved. Two plus two equals more than four. There are two wives and two husbands and a wife and a husband and a wife and a husband, not to mention the original wife and husband in each relationship. But the original girl figured that her girlfriends would automatically understand her pain and share her ultimate decision to sever an abusive relationship.

Okay, here we are again. At a crossroads. I have a question. Should the girl expect any "loyalty" from her girlfriends? Or when they all "friend" her abuser on facebook, should she just say, "oh well, he never did anything to hurt THEM?"

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