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Live each day as if it were your last. Someday, you'll be right.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Off the Grid

Outrageous & Outhouses & Outliers

I'm pretty embarrassed to admit this, but back in the 80s, I thought the world was coming to an end. I thought that mankind had used up all its chances and was heading for a disaster of major proportions, such as the apocalypse, the end of the world, the rapture...etc.

Anyway, you may already know that in response to this, I birthed all my children at home, without medical intervention or drugs of any kind. After they were born, there was no school good enough to teach them critical thinking, so I illegally schooled them at home...all the way up to college.

We lived off the grid for many years as vegetarian hippies of a sort. It all started when we couldn't find a place to rent with 5 kids. We could've had dogs and cats, but children were not good bets for investment properties. So, we were lucky enough to become caretakers of an abandoned Baptist Camp. The cabins were completely gutted, but there was gravity flow water and outhouses. We purchased a wood stove and made a home for our family for many happy years. 

Our children provided most of the entertainment. When we weren't sitting around the woodstove listening to me read the Little House on the Prairie series, the kids were doing all kinds of comedy and musical routines that kept us in stitches. We were also regular patrons at the library...I overheard one librarian refer to us as "heavy users." 

Sometimes I look back and think that those days happened to someone else, but then I smell the pine leaves, remember seeing a small child barreling down a snow covered hill in a large stainless steel bowl, and I think, hey, that would make a good story. Too bad I'm not a good writer...

The Learning Curve - Blending the Best from Everyone

"This is most people's reality. As soon as something is perceived, it is named, interpreted, compared with something else, liked, disliked, or called good or bad by the phantom self, the ego. They are imprisoned in thought forms, in object consciousness." ~Eckhart Tolle

How do you know if something is good or bad? How do you know if something is right or wrong? How do you know anything?


Based on, concerned with, or verifiable by observation or experience rather than theory or pure logic.
empiric - experiential - experimental

So, you're born. You start to experience life. You listen to your caregivers. Whether what they tell you is good/bad/right/wrong, you have no frame of reference to you just absorb/assimilate...

Thus begins the endless cycle of circular reasoning:

Definitions of Circular Reasoning (Begging the Question)

"Circular Reasoning is an attempt to support a statement by simply repeating the statement in different or stronger terms.  In this fallacy, the reason given is nothing more than a restatement of the conclusion that poses asthe reason for the conclusion."  {Circular Reasoning by Stephen Hagin}

"Circular Reasoning: This fallacy occurs when you state your claim and then, usually after rewording it, you state it again as your reason. (this fallacy is also commonly called ‘Begging the Question’)"  {Logical Fallacies and Causal Terms from The Allyn & Bacon Guide to Writing}
Begging the Question occurs when you "take for granted or assume the truth of the very thing being questioned."  {Begging the Question from}

Scientific Method is based on hypothetico-deductive logic in which we "assume the truth of the very thing being questioned" in order to construct if-then predictions (i.e., we say "IF this theory is true, THEN when we do ___ we will see ___") so we can use reality checks (by comparing the predictions of a theory with observations of reality) to test our theory, to help us determine whether "the way we think the world is" matches "the way the world really is."  {The Logic of Scientific Method}   Do you see the important difference — despite a superficial similarity — between scientific logic and circular logic?
Elliott Sober gives a "broader definition of circularity" — "An argument is circular if it couldn't possibly convince someone that the conclusion is true if they didn't believe the conclusion already."  {from Core Questions in Philosophy, 1st Edition, p. 183}

In circular reasoning, "The definition comes first and then the supposed proof is based on that definition.  This is proving something (at the end) by making logical deductions from premises that themselves contain the conclusion.  Looping from the end to the beginning that way is called circular reasoning.  Circular reasoning often sounds right, but it is invalid nonetheless. ... It is often hard to recognize reasoning as circular because the steps between the first and last may be many."  {Logic and Literary Argument by Eric Rabkin}

I grew up fairly comfortable. I had family around, Sunday dinners, mostly love. There were things I didn't understand, like intolerance for people who were different from my family, so that drew me to "the others" even more. 

I'm remembering all the way back to kindergarten in the 60s, when de-segregation was just beginning. I don't really know if it is in my DNA or not, but the first boy I ever liked in Kindergarten was Brian Sweeney, an African American lad, who I thought was the cutest boy in the whole school. We ended up remaining friends all the way through high school.

Later, in the 6th grade, when I wrote a love note to Lonnie Melton, the only African American boy in my class, my parents were called in to stem the tide. It didn't work. I have always been drawn to those who can teach what I am lacking and make me better than I already am. Perhaps it has always been in my biology, to reach for those who can strengthen the gene pool... 

Decades later, I can honestly say that I am thrilled to see the number of mixed-race people thriving in society. Not that the fight is over, but it is steadily moving forward. 

Intolerance is ugly and counterproductive, and if you've ever studied horticulture, chemistry, strengthening the gene pool, or ART, oh, excuse me, there's someone at my door...

Home Birth Stories from the 70s & 80s


I was 18 years old when I moved out on my own and wrote this.

I became pregnant in January of 1978, just 7 days after quitting my birth control pills. My boyfriend and I were planning a homebirth. I was in excellent health all during my pregnancy, until the middle of the 8th month.

My blood pressure skyrocketed and I had some trace edema. Both my doc and midwife had come to the conclusion that I had pre-eclampsia, a condition that usually develops into toxemia of pregnancy.

I was dead set against going to the hospital. I had done plenty of research on the subject of childbirth and felt that a "normal" birth should occur in the comfort and privacy of one's own home. Knowing that I would have to succumb to my doc's wishes and enter the hospital unless a miracle took place, I turned to my knowledge of nutrition for some assistance.

I have been on a "natural" food diet for about 1.5 yrs now and take plenty of food supplements. My main concern at this time was lowering my blood pressure. Since my diet was mainly dairy products, I drastically reduced these for sometimes they are a contributing factor in high blood pressure when used excessively. This measure did not work and I began gaining weight. I had gained 6 lbs in 2 days. This weight gain would be interpreted as another symptom of pre-eclampsia if I didn't do something right away. I went back to my old diet of Brewer's Yeast and protein drinks in the mornings and a light meal in the evenings. I had only 5 days until my next doc appt. and was getting very depressed.

I went through all of my notes on nutrition and took a trip to the library to do further research on high blood pressure (this was back way before the internet!). I found that choline and inositol could be of great help in lowering blood pressure and in preventing atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries). I also learned that increased potassium would balance or lower the sodium level in my body, which would be helpful because high sodium levels increase blood pressure.

The end result of this research was that I increased my intake of choline, inositol and potassium. I slowly worked up to 1,000 mg per day of choline and inositol morning and evening and 150 mg of potassium daily, in addition to my regular supplemental intake.

The day of my doc appt. moved closer and closer and I had no idea of whether or not the "treatment" was working. I had lost 4 of the 6 pounds I gained, however, and was becoming more and more hopeful.

The day of my doc appt. arrived and my swelling was hardly noticeable and my blood pressure was NORMAL! Within 4 days, I had reversed my "symptoms," although, I was prepared to go to the hospital in the event that my blood pressure again increased to dangerous levels during labor.

I went into labor on October 5th, 1978 on the way to the doctor's office. I was 19 years old. At the onset of labor, I took double doses of all my supplements. We watched my blood pressure closely.

During my labor, I found it impossible to lie down. I did chores around the house, paced the floors, did some jogging, took showers, spent time sitting/squatting, which was much too much activity and my cervix became swollen.

I had to wait through 5-6 hours of pushing contractions until my cervix swelling went down. My blood pressure remained normal and I had plenty of energy left to push my 9 lb. 6 oz. son out into the world. Here's what happened:

I went into labor at 1:30 p.m. on October 5, 1978, in the car, on the way to the doctor's office. At the doctor's office, I was 75% effaced and my cervix was 5 centimeters dilated. When we arrived home from the doc's office, we called Jan, our midwife and let her know what was happening. We timed the contractions, which were about 9 minutes apart and lasted a little over a minute each. Jan arrived at about 8:00 p.m. with David (an assistant and childbirth educator who also photographed the entire event). We talked for a while and things started slowing down, so they left until things heated up again around midnight. Pat, another assistant midwife, also came along.

As I mentioned before, I was too active and my cervix became swollen. I needed help during the 6 or so hours of pushing contractions because I was in excruciating pain. Nearing 8 in the morning, I began running to the bathroom to throw up between contractions. Soon, I was able to really begin pushing. It was such a rush to see in the mirror my baby's head out and ready to be born. He was all scrunched up and blue. After one huge push, he splashed out and was laid on my stomach. He began crying loudly and then nursed for nearly 3 hours nonstop.

I can still remember the breakfast we had that day. When I look back at these words, I am amazed at the woman I was at 19 years old. Shortly after this, I became a certified childbirth educator.


My second child was born in 1981. I was 22 years young. The labor was so easy, lasting 7 hours of strong contractions. I took a nice long shower and when Jan checked me, she was surprised to find that the baby's head was already halfway out. I was shocked to learn that I could begin pushing so soon. As soon as I began pushing, I was in constant burning pain, but there was no going back. The realization was horrifying, but my body kept pushing anyway and soon there was a baby's head poking out. This baby hardly made a sound. He was a sweet 8 lb 2 oz baby boy, who latched on to nurse and then looked into my eyes the whole time.

I had fresh squeezed orange juice at Blair's birth.


I started having contractions about 9 in the morning, December 19th, 1983. I was 24 years young. They were about 15 minutes apart and lasted roughly 60 seconds. I had a lot of false labor prior to this, so I didn't want to call anyone too soon. It's really embarrassing to get everyone there and then have things stall. My husband and I decided that we needed to get some groceries, so we went out shopping, packing our two little boys into the car. It was a navy blue Ford Falcon. I started having heavy contractions when my husband and the boys were inside the store. I stayed behind because I was uncomfortable. There was no way I could get out of the car and go into the store to get them. I was pretty far back in the Raley's parking lot, hoping and praying they would hurry. I never felt so alone.

We got home around 1:00 p.m. and my husband began feeding the boys while I went to the bedroom and called Jan. She told me to let her know when I needed her to arrive. I went to the bathroom and my water broke. I started to cry and could feel the baby's head crowning. I called my husband into the room. I made it as far as the floor next to the bed and kneelt down in prayer position. He came in and I told him to wash his hands!

I gave myself an exam and could feel that my cervix was completely dilated and the baby was coming. We called Jan who said she would be on her way. In the meantime, I couldn't help but push. I told my husband to get behind my and cradle the baby's head as it appeared, and to check to make sure the cord was not around its head. He was confused and didn't know what to do, so I just said, "Catch the baby!" Once I knew it was safe and the baby wouldn't splash out onto the floor, my body took over and pushed her out.

I looked behind me to see my two little boys wide-eyed in the doorway and my husband holding a healthy baby girl. She hardly made a noise, but then began nursing and didn't stop. She weighed 7 lbs. 4 oz. I can't remember eating. I only remember her eating!!! And eating...


June 17, 1986 started out early for us. We borrowed my grandma's car to go to appointments and shopping. We rose early to feed, wash and dress Haven, Blair and Miranda. We came home around lunchtime and fixed something to eat. After lunch and returning the car, my husband stayed visiting with my grandma. I cleaned up after lunch, watered my flowers and noticed I was having contractions. I checked my own cervix, which was 4 cm dilated and flat. When they got more earnest, I called Jan and she said she'd be there in 40 minutes. I called my husband to come home. Once again, the fateful toilet caused my water to break. Once the water broke, I couldn't move and squatted right in front of the toilet. Jan asked me if I could move into the bedroom but I just couldn't go anywhere with a baby's head between my legs, so everyone squatted on the floor in my narrow bathroom.

She continued trying to coax me but finally gave up. My husband squeezed in beside me to help hold me up and I tore his bare chest up with my fingernails. Once again, my body took over. I felt the baby do 3 or 4 kicks like he was a swimmer pushing off a pool ledge and he was out. I was in so much pain after this I actually said, "No more babies."

I remember hemorrhaging and Jan giving me a shot. Zared weighed 7 lbs. 13 oz. Labor lasted 3 hours.


Thursday morning, 5/19/88, my mom called. I was feeling energetic and anxious. Contractions, although sporadic, were not feeling playful at all! Decided to go skating. Returned from skating at about 2 or so and began preparing dinner and cleaning house. I felt irritable, anxious, spacey and wired. I called my friend and neighbor to tell her how I was feeling. She cam over and we decided to go for a walk with all of our kids. By 6 p.m., I was back home with my kids and preparing everyone for bed. I was nursing Zared at 7 p.m. and had a horrible contraction! My neighbor and midwife were called but my husband was in school and couldn't be reached! I checked my cervix at 7:40 and was 6-8 cm dilated. I was on my hands and knees when the midwife arrived. She had to break the amniotic sac because it was being stubborn and my pushes were ineffective. As soon as the water broke, the pain was constant and I felt as though I was ripping wide open! I had to wait for the midwife to get the cord from around the baby's neck and as soon as it was completed, I gave a push and the baby was all the way born.

At first I thought the umbilical hernia was a penis and that I had another son, but then realized I had another daughter. I couldn't have been happier. I named her after the Hebrew midwife who's home was blessed by God for shielding the baby Moses. God, midwifery, beautiful all seemed to fit.

Did I mention this baby was born in a one room (15 x 15) cabin with no electricity. We had a wood stove, gravity flow water and used an outhouse. The other kids slept in lofts. Besides our beds and kitchen table and chairs, our home was filled with books. Again, this was back in the day prior to cell phones, computers, etc. Shiphrah weighed 7 lbs. even.

That is all.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Bring on the Conflict!!!

I must admit, I don't like confrontation. I don't want to be the police of grammar, dress codes, etc. But conflict, on the other hand, is another story. I believe in the business case for diversity because I know that differing viewpoints/perspectives can enhance the decision-making/planning process.


noun.  clash - collision - fight - strife - battle - struggle
verb.  clash - collide - disagree

When I was growing up, we used a sponge instead of a dish-rag to clean our drainboards, not counter-tops. I never knew any other way until I went to a diverse elementary school and learned that there were other kids in homes who had different names for the various things in their domiciles like utility rooms, laundry rooms, pantries, couches, sofas, chesterfields, etc. Pride of status and my own upbringing taught me to think my family's ways/terms were superior. But for some reason, I didn't like to think of myself as "better" than anyone else, so I embraced everyone who was different from me and I never ceased learning.

This musing will not present a scholarly treatise on the benefits of conflict. I will just surmise what you already know, even if it hasn't touched the surface of your consciousness yet.

When someone disagrees with you, what is your first response? Incredulity? Anger? Self-defense? If any of these are true, you might benefit from a study of emotional intelligence. When someone disagrees with you - hence - conflicts with your views - you should stop and think/contemplate/consider/ponder - did I grasp the entirety of the issue I intended to convey? Most certainly, the answer is, you did not!

The late Peter Drucker said that "You need dissent, but you have to make it productive...All the first-rate decision-makers I've observed had a very simple rule...If you have quick consensus on an important matter, don't make the decision. Acclamation means nobody has done the homework."


If everyone agrees with you, challenge their (and your own) assumptions.

  • challenge assumptions
  • require new perspectives (even if they are way out there)
  • encourage growth
This will create an opportunity for each to understand his/her-self and learn better ways of communicating, which will encourage growth. 

If you want to remain immature and perhaps someday become obsolete, surround yourself with those who agree with everything you say/think. If you want to change something/the status quo/everything/the world, then surround yourself with those who have their own ideas/perspectives and are willing to open themselves up to the challenge of conflicting/dissenting/opposing views as you are. 

Your life/our world will never be the same...

Discordant Harmony

Friday, September 21, 2012

Perception...Is it REALITY?

P e r c e p t i o n

perception [pəˈsɛpʃən]  n
1. the act or the effect of perceiving
2. insight or intuition gained by perceiving
3. the ability or capacity to perceive
4. way of perceiving; awareness or consciousness; view

It's's gonna be a gloomy day.
It's raining...awesome! I don't have to water.
It's raining...people will be driving crazy today!
It's raining...________________ (fill in the blanks)

How do you interpret the events that occur in your life? Your perception is a very powerful tool in determining whether or not you have a good or bad experience, or whether or not a neutral incident totally floors you.

Your perception is your reality, therefore, to IS reality.

Have you ever noticed how different people can experience the exact same event, yet interpret it in entirely different ways? WHERE does YOUR perception come from?

Those inner voices are not easy to distinguish. Sometimes we just accept them as reality, but are they? Is it possible they are someone ELSE'S reality? Someone who raised us or had a large influence over our lives in our formative years or vulnerable moments?

Influence Poster
Next time you hear an inner voice trying to interpret an event for you, CHALLENGE IT!!! Is it true? How many ways can a rainy day be interpreted? As many ways as there are PERCEPTIONS of it. Think of the voices in your head. Are they truly yours, or did you just assimilate them? THINK. Be your own best friend/counselor/confidante. Delve into those common interpretations and figure out where they really come from, and then become the author of your new, healthier inner voices. 

Saturday, September 15, 2012


Get Rid of Stuff!

How much stuff do you have? How much stuff do you think you need? How much does it cost in time and money to care for the stuff you own? Does your stuff make you happy?

“He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.”    Socrates

If you are feeling overwhelmed with life, it may be time to get rid of some stuff. It may be time to decide how much stuff you really need. I’m not talking about living a monastic life. I’ve tried that. I’m talking about simplifying life. Deciding what you really need and living by a personal mission statement.

“It isn't what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.”   Dale Carnegie

After all the kids left home, my husband and I downscaled from a four-bedroom house to a 2 bedroom apartment. We had a garage sale and got rid of a ton of stuff. Some of the stuff we hadn’t used in years. Some of it was just too bulky to fit into our new home. After a couple of years in this smaller domain and realizing we didn’t need the extra bathroom and bedroom, which were just excuses to accumulate more stuff, we looked for a one-bedroom, one-bathroom apartment.

“We need much less than we think we need.”  Maya Angelou


“The greatest wealth is to live content with little.”   Plato

The time came to scale down even more. Here we thought we had gotten rid of so much stuff, but there was still more we could live without! By eliminating the extra space, we needed less stuff to fill our new space.

“The greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.”  Martha Washington

Now, when I go shopping, I don’t get tempted by stuff I see that I “just gotta have.” I don’t have room for more stuff. I only have room for what I really enjoy. It takes about a half hour to clean the entire place. I have time to do things I love and am not a slave to things I have to do to maintain STUFF.


“Happiness is not a's a by-product of a life well lived.”  Eleanor Roosevelt

When you lose your focus on stuff, the world opens up to you. You have extra TIME you need to fill. Meditating on what you really want to do with your life is a great exercise. I still haven’t figured it out, but I am FREE to decide and not a slave to the tyranny of STUFF.


Friday, September 7, 2012

Educational Links to Keep Kids (and their caregivers) Occupied

Playing with kids allows us to be kids again, while modeling curiosity, inquisitiveness, fun and team spirit. These are some links to websites that you can enjoy with the kids in your life "guilt-free." Enjoy! And feel free to add more sites to the list.

PBS Kids has lots of learning topics for kids to explore

Starfall is a free public service that teaches kids to read using phonics

Funschool Kaboose has many topics for kids to explore, including preschoolers

Learning to type has never been so much fun!

The name says it all: MATH is COOL

Addition, subtraction, multiplication, division and...math MAJIC

National Geographic games for kids

Elementary school games for kids

Use Activity TV to interact with your kids on many topics

Smithsonian Kids is a museum of topics for exploration

FunBrain is just for your brain,FENhome

Go on an adventure with Kratts' Creatures

Mr. Rogers still lives on in this neighborhood

Homework or learning help needed?

Free stories for kids

Nick Jr. games for preschoolers

Math games from elementary to ALGEBRA

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Who is at Fault?

Children are born. A little girl...a little boy...twins...breech...normal...

No matter how they enter this world, all humans start out the same way.

Once these humans are born, how do they assimilate into society? 

What if they are left on a doorstep as part of a Safe Haven program? What if they end up living with their drug addicted parent squatting in an abandoned facility? What if they end up in the care of their grandparents? 

A man and a woman meet and fall in love after their children are grown and their former relationships have come to an end. They are overjoyed to start lives together, enjoying their grown children and grandchildren. The unthinkable happens. The daughter of one of them comes "home" with two children from different fathers, and nowhere to turn.

The "grandparents," who live in a one bedroom apartment, have to absorb three humans, all of whom are battle weary. The daughter faces mental and health issues. The grandson is unable to assimilate into normal school situations, and the granddaughter is developmentally disabled, still in diapers at 4 1/2 years old. 

The grandparents help the mom get on her feet with a job, while she and her kids sleep on their living room floor. They drive the grandson to school every day and help the granddaughter try to potty train. The situation goes on and on with no hope of ever ending. The bureaucracy seems never ending. The grandparents seem to be on the verge of divorce any given night of the week. The stress is unrelenting. 

Who is at fault? What should be done?

Thursday, August 30, 2012

The People Who Pass Through Your Life Via Your Body

On Children
 Kahlil Gibran
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Okay, so there are these people who enter this world by passing through your body. You have a visceral reaction to someone of the opposite sex and procreate. You think you are in love. You are so excited that you and this other godlike being have planted the seed of life in the form of another human being into your womb. Little did you know that the seed had ideas of its own. It grew and became an INDIVIDUAL. Yes, maybe it was forced by DNA to have brown eyes, knocked knees, high blood pressure, or WHATEVER. BUT, this person had a mind of his/her own from the moment of conception. 

Anyone who has had more than one child can attest to this fact. No child is an exact replica or mathematical equation of each of his/her parents. Even after birth, with all the inputs, the child will not comply!!! The child is...well...what...he/she...IS!!!

Lucky for us!