The People Who Pass Through Your Life Via Your Body

On Children

 Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Okay, so there are these people who enter this world by passing through your body. You have a visceral reaction to someone of the opposite sex and procreate. You think you are in love. You are so excited that you and this other godlike being have planted the seed of life in the form of another human being into your womb. Little did you know that the seed had ideas of its own. It grew and became an INDIVIDUAL. Yes, maybe it was forced by DNA to have brown eyes, knocked knees, high blood pressure, or WHATEVER. BUT, this person had a mind of his/her own from the moment of conception. 

Anyone who has had more than one child can attest to this fact. No child is an exact replica or mathematical equation of each of his/her parents. Even after birth, with all the inputs, the child will not comply!!! The child is...well...what...he/she...IS!!!

 

Lucky for us!

Loyalty Among Friends?

Okay, so there's this girl. She is afraid of trying relationships with other girls because she's never been successful. But she hasn't given up. She believes it's possible. So, she keeps trying. Here she is, this awkward girl, in a biracial relationship, with a few kids born in unconventional ways. When she meets another woman who might be sympathetic, she practically jumps her. After some time, she learns to tone it down a bit and be a little less aggressive.

Wow, finally, a friend is made. A kindred spirit. Someone who understands. She is so enamored that she invites the friend and her significant other to be friends with her inner circle. Couples and children form a bond that becomes impenetrable. Friendships are forged. Secrets are shared. Lives become intertwined.

This scenario happens a couple of other times with other friends and their families. It almost seems like heaven on earth, to have so many others in an intimate support system. But something happens to change everything.

The original girl encounters a problem. She doesn't want to mess up the wonderful life that she has enjoyed with her support system, but her significant other has become unstable and abusive. He has threatened her life and has frightened her children. She has a choice to make. If she strikes out on her own, her support system will be lost.

She does the hardest thing she has ever done in her whole life. She breaks free from the abuse and strikes out on her own. She thought her former friends would remain in her inner circle of support. After some time passed, she realized that they didn't have any particular loyalty to her as a woman. They remained "neutral."

Even though her friends knew the circumstances that led to the separation, they chose to remain friends with the estranged spouse. The abuser. The unstable one. The person who ruined her life and the lives of her children.

Couples relationships are different, because there are other factors involved. Two plus two equals more than four. There are two wives and two husbands and a wife and a husband and a wife and a husband, not to mention the original wife and husband in each relationship. But the original girl figured that her girlfriends would automatically understand her pain and share her ultimate decision to sever an abusive relationship.

Okay, here we are again. At a crossroads. I have a question. Should the girl expect any "loyalty" from her girlfriends? Or when they all "friend" her abuser on facebook, should she just say, "oh well, he never did anything to hurt THEM?"

Tell Me Lies

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong

How many times have you asked someone what you should do about something when you already knew in the depths of your soul what the correct course of action was? It's actually kind of silly because no matter what anyone says, the facts of the situation will not change. Your true friends will tell you what you know to be the right answers. The ones who don't care will tell you the beautiful lies that your heart craves. 

"Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them." - Lou Holtz

Some people revel in the misfortunes of others. Your troubles are fodder for their entertainment. If you are so insecure that you need accolades from the other failures surrounding you, you will get what you deserve. Don't let anyone make you feel less than the beautiful human being you are.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

When you are authentic, you can be assured that those who stick around are the ones who really care about you.