Bring on the Conflict!!!

I must admit, I don't like confrontation. I don't want to be the police of grammar, dress codes, etc. But conflict, on the other hand, is another story. I believe in the business case for diversity because I know that differing viewpoints/perspectives can enhance the decision-making/planning process.



CONFLICT

noun.  clash - collision - fight - strife - battle - struggle

verb.  clash - collide - disagree

When I was growing up, we used a sponge instead of a dish-rag to clean our drainboards, not counter-tops. I never knew any other way until I went to a diverse elementary school and learned that there were other kids in homes who had different names for the various things in their domiciles like utility rooms, laundry rooms, pantries, couches, sofas, chesterfields, etc. Pride of status and my own upbringing taught me to think my family's ways/terms were superior. But for some reason, I didn't like to think of myself as "better" than anyone else, so I embraced everyone who was different from me and I never ceased learning.

This musing will not present a scholarly treatise on the benefits of conflict. I will just surmise what you already know, even if it hasn't touched the surface of your consciousness yet.

When someone disagrees with you, what is your first response? Incredulity? Anger? Self-defense? If any of these are true, you might benefit from a study of emotional intelligence. When someone disagrees with you - hence - conflicts with your views - you should stop and think/contemplate/consider/ponder - did I grasp the entirety of the issue I intended to convey? Most certainly, the answer is, you did not!



The late Peter Drucker said that "You need dissent, but you have to make it productive...All the first-rate decision-makers I've observed had a very simple rule...If you have quick consensus on an important matter, don't make the decision. Acclamation means nobody has done the homework."

CREATE YOUR OWN CONFLICT

If everyone agrees with you, challenge their (and your own) assumptions.

• challenge assumptions
• require new perspectives (even if they are way out there)
• encourage growth

This will create an opportunity for each to understand his/her-self and learn better ways of communicating, which will encourage growth. 

If you want to remain immature and perhaps someday become obsolete, surround yourself with those who agree with everything you say/think. If you want to change something/the status quo/everything/the world, then surround yourself with those who have their own ideas/perspectives and are willing to open themselves up to the challenge of conflicting/dissenting/opposing views as you are. 

Your life/our world will never be the same...

Discordant Harmony

Perception...Is it REALITY?

P e r c e p t i o n

perception [pəˈsɛpʃən]  n

1. the act or the effect of perceiving

2. insight or intuition gained by perceiving

3. the ability or capacity to perceive

4. way of perceiving; awareness or consciousness; view

It's raining...it's gonna be a gloomy day.

It's raining...awesome! I don't have to water.

It's raining...people will be driving crazy today!

It's raining...________________ (fill in the blanks)

How do you interpret the events that occur in your life? Your perception is a very powerful tool in determining whether or not you have a good or bad experience, or whether or not a neutral incident totally floors you.

Your perception is your reality, therefore, to you...it IS reality.

Have you ever noticed how different people can experience the exact same event, yet interpret it in entirely different ways? WHERE does YOUR perception come from?

Those inner voices are not easy to distinguish. Sometimes we just accept them as reality, but are they? Is it possible they are someone ELSE'S reality? Someone who raised us or had a large influence over our lives in our formative years or vulnerable moments?

Next time you hear an inner voice trying to interpret an event for you, CHALLENGE IT!!! Is it true? How many ways can a rainy day be interpreted? As many ways as there are PERCEPTIONS of it. Think of the voices in your head. Are they truly yours, or did you just assimilate them? THINK. Be your own best friend/counselor/confidante. Delve into those common interpretations and figure out where they really come from, and then become the author of your new, healthier inner voices. 

GET RID OF STUFF!

Get Rid of Stuff!

How much stuff do you have? How much stuff do you think you need? How much does it cost in time and money to care for the stuff you own? Does your stuff make you happy?

“He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.”   ― Socrates

If you are feeling overwhelmed with life, it may be time to get rid of some stuff. It may be time to decide how much stuff you really need. I’m not talking about living a monastic life. I’ve tried that. I’m talking about simplifying life. Deciding what you really need and living by a personal mission statement.

“It isn't what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.”  ― Dale Carnegie

After all the kids left home, my husband and I downscaled from a four-bedroom house to a 2 bedroom apartment. We had a garage sale and got rid of a ton of stuff. Some of the stuff we hadn’t used in years. Some of it was just too bulky to fit into our new home. After a couple of years in this smaller domain and realizing we didn’t need the extra bathroom and bedroom, which were just excuses to accumulate more stuff, we looked for a one-bedroom, one-bathroom apartment.

“We need much less than we think we need.” ― Maya Angelou

Freedom

“The greatest wealth is to live content with little.”  ― Plato

The time came to scale down even more. Here we thought we had gotten rid of so much stuff, but there was still more we could live without! By eliminating the extra space, we needed less stuff to fill our new space.

“The greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.” ― Martha Washington

Now, when I go shopping, I don’t get tempted by stuff I see that I “just gotta have.” I don’t have room for more stuff. I only have room for what I really enjoy. It takes about a half hour to clean the entire place. I have time to do things I love and am not a slave to things I have to do to maintain STUFF.

Simplicity

“Happiness is not a goal...it's a by-product of a life well lived.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt

When you lose your focus on stuff, the world opens up to you. You have extra TIME you need to fill. Meditating on what you really want to do with your life is a great exercise. I still haven’t figured it out, but I am FREE to decide and not a slave to the tyranny of STUFF.

 Bliss!

Educational Links to Keep Kids (and their caregivers) Occupied

Playing with kids allows us to be kids again, while modeling curiosity, inquisitiveness, fun and team spirit. These are some links to websites that you can enjoy with the kids in your life "guilt-free." Enjoy! And feel free to add more sites to the list.

PBS Kids has lots of learning topics for kids to explore
pbskids.org/



Starfall is a free public service that teaches kids to read using phonics
www.starfall.com/





Funschool Kaboose has many topics for kids to explore, including preschoolers
funschool.kaboose.com/index.html



Learning to type has never been so much fun!
www.bbc.co.uk/schools/typing/levels/level1.shtml

The name says it all: MATH is COOL
www.coolmath.com/



Addition, subtraction, multiplication, division and...math MAJIC
www.oswego.org/ocsd-web/games/Mathmagician/cathymath.html



National Geographic games for kids
http://kids.nationalgeographic.com/kids/games/

Elementary school games for kids
http://www.gamequarium.com/

Use Activity TV to interact with your kids on many topics
http://www.activitytv.com/



Smithsonian Kids is a museum of topics for explorationhttp://www.smithsonianeducation.org/students/idealabs/smithsonian_kids.html



FunBrain is just that...fun for your brain
http://www.funbrain.com/?wtlAC=tablinks,FENhome

Go on an adventure with Kratts' Creatures
http://pbskids.org/krattscreatures/login.shtml?

Mr. Rogers still lives on in this neighborhood
http://pbskids.org/rogers/



Homework or learning help needed?
http://udltechtoolkit.wikispaces.com/

Free stories for kids
http://www.storytimeforme.com/



Nick Jr. games for preschoolers
http://www.nickjr.com/games-activities/

Math games from elementary to ALGEBRA
http://www.mathnook.com/

Who is at Fault?

Children are born. A little girl...a little boy...twins...breech...normal...

No matter how they enter this world, all humans start out the same way.

Once these humans are born, how do they assimilate into society? 

What if they are left on a doorstep as part of a Safe Haven program? What if they end up living with their drug addicted parent squatting in an abandoned facility? What if they end up in the care of their grandparents? 

A man and a woman meet and fall in love after their children are grown and their former relationships have come to an end. They are overjoyed to start lives together, enjoying their grown children and grandchildren. The unthinkable happens. The daughter of one of them comes "home" with two children from different fathers, and nowhere to turn.

The "grandparents," who live in a one bedroom apartment, have to absorb three humans, all of whom are battle weary. The daughter faces mental and health issues. The grandson is unable to assimilate into normal school situations, and the granddaughter is developmentally disabled, still in diapers at 4 1/2 years old. 

The grandparents help the mom get on her feet with a job, while she and her kids sleep on their living room floor. They drive the grandson to school every day and help the granddaughter try to potty train. The situation goes on and on with no hope of ever ending. The bureaucracy seems never ending. The grandparents seem to be on the verge of divorce any given night of the week. The stress is unrelenting. 

Who is at fault? What should be done?

The People Who Pass Through Your Life Via Your Body

On Children

 Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Okay, so there are these people who enter this world by passing through your body. You have a visceral reaction to someone of the opposite sex and procreate. You think you are in love. You are so excited that you and this other godlike being have planted the seed of life in the form of another human being into your womb. Little did you know that the seed had ideas of its own. It grew and became an INDIVIDUAL. Yes, maybe it was forced by DNA to have brown eyes, knocked knees, high blood pressure, or WHATEVER. BUT, this person had a mind of his/her own from the moment of conception. 

Anyone who has had more than one child can attest to this fact. No child is an exact replica or mathematical equation of each of his/her parents. Even after birth, with all the inputs, the child will not comply!!! The child is...well...what...he/she...IS!!!

 

Lucky for us!

Loyalty Among Friends?

Okay, so there's this girl. She is afraid of trying relationships with other girls because she's never been successful. But she hasn't given up. She believes it's possible. So, she keeps trying. Here she is, this awkward girl, in a biracial relationship, with a few kids born in unconventional ways. When she meets another woman who might be sympathetic, she practically jumps her. After some time, she learns to tone it down a bit and be a little less aggressive.

Wow, finally, a friend is made. A kindred spirit. Someone who understands. She is so enamored that she invites the friend and her significant other to be friends with her inner circle. Couples and children form a bond that becomes impenetrable. Friendships are forged. Secrets are shared. Lives become intertwined.

This scenario happens a couple of other times with other friends and their families. It almost seems like heaven on earth, to have so many others in an intimate support system. But something happens to change everything.

The original girl encounters a problem. She doesn't want to mess up the wonderful life that she has enjoyed with her support system, but her significant other has become unstable and abusive. He has threatened her life and has frightened her children. She has a choice to make. If she strikes out on her own, her support system will be lost.

She does the hardest thing she has ever done in her whole life. She breaks free from the abuse and strikes out on her own. She thought her former friends would remain in her inner circle of support. After some time passed, she realized that they didn't have any particular loyalty to her as a woman. They remained "neutral."

Even though her friends knew the circumstances that led to the separation, they chose to remain friends with the estranged spouse. The abuser. The unstable one. The person who ruined her life and the lives of her children.

Couples relationships are different, because there are other factors involved. Two plus two equals more than four. There are two wives and two husbands and a wife and a husband and a wife and a husband, not to mention the original wife and husband in each relationship. But the original girl figured that her girlfriends would automatically understand her pain and share her ultimate decision to sever an abusive relationship.

Okay, here we are again. At a crossroads. I have a question. Should the girl expect any "loyalty" from her girlfriends? Or when they all "friend" her abuser on facebook, should she just say, "oh well, he never did anything to hurt THEM?"

Tell Me Lies

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong

How many times have you asked someone what you should do about something when you already knew in the depths of your soul what the correct course of action was? It's actually kind of silly because no matter what anyone says, the facts of the situation will not change. Your true friends will tell you what you know to be the right answers. The ones who don't care will tell you the beautiful lies that your heart craves. 

"Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them." - Lou Holtz

Some people revel in the misfortunes of others. Your troubles are fodder for their entertainment. If you are so insecure that you need accolades from the other failures surrounding you, you will get what you deserve. Don't let anyone make you feel less than the beautiful human being you are.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

When you are authentic, you can be assured that those who stick around are the ones who really care about you.

Diversity

Diversity (It can even be appreciated in an election year)

"I feel my heart break to see a nation ripped apart by its own greatest strength - its diversity." ~ Melissa Etheridge

What if everyone were just like me? While I like to think that I am AWESOME, (and I am, by the way), I don't possess all of the talents necessary to make this world go 'round. I don't have enough empathy. I am a loner. I am an observer rather than a socializer. I analyze situations from afar rather than joining in at ground zero. 

Because I know this about myself, I know that I need others around me to COMPLEMENT me. I cannot expect everyone to think and act as I do (and I thank God they don't, because then some of us would be unnecessary).

That being said, you out there who are different from me, I want to be your friend. I want you to get me out of my shell and make me do things sometimes that I would never do on my own. In turn, I will help you be more introspective and contemplative. We can be a great team.

This is extremely oversimplified, because there are many more multi-faceted individuals than the two in my example, but, I hope you get my drift.

Just think, if other people who are different from you bug you, how much do you think you may get on their last nerves?

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" ~ Luke 6:41

This, being an election year, has stirred all kinds of interchanges among people, many of whom are normally good friends, coworkers and church members, which makes it a good time to remember how much we need to treat others as we wish to be treated.

Don't make the mistake of believing your opinion is superior. "For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted." ~ Matthew 23:12

Is it love?

Does it hurt? Does it feel bad? Do you get that nagging feeling...the "red flag?" Do you "hope that you're wrong?" Well, you're probably not if you even think that...


Love don't feel that badThat's not loveIt don't feel that sadNo that's not love'Cause you don't feel good insideI don't know what it isBut that's not love.  ~ Keb Mo

How can you tell if it's love?

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

New International Version (NIV)

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸ Love never fails.

Love doesn't leave you with a bad feeling. Those who love you will want the best for you. They will not be jealous of you. They will rejoice when you are promoted or lifted up. They will join you in your victories and not stab you in the back. They will help you and not sabotage you. They will not use, abuse or take advantage of you. They will always look out for your best interests. 

If you have to wonder if someone

loves

you, they probably don't.